Say Hi!

It’s been a month long of fun and new experiences for Craig, from playdates, his first birthday celebration with Super Friends, swimming and outings with Special Friends and relatives but ONE…

And yes, this is a FIRST taste of how painful being AUTISTIC is, in our world that is not yet ready and prepared to include and understand them.

Again, this is the reason we share stories; for awareness, not to hate. I understand the reaction of anger when I shared this story to parents, guardians, and teachers but, at the end of the day, all we can do is hope that it won’t happen again, not just to us but also to the many others…

Coming home from a 2-hour drive from Quezon province where we spent a day with relatives, we decided to have late lunch at a nearby restaurant in our place before taking them to the bus station going to Baguio City.

We were the only customers on the second floor of this restaurant when we arrived, and while the waitress was taking our orders Craig kept saying “Say Hi” because I was seated at the other end, I am not sure if he received a response… He just kept repeating his line and we were also saying “Hi!”  While our orders were being served, Craig kept on with his line… routinely, we would also respond with “Hi!” – I was thinking, ahhh it is his “new thing again…” Halfway through our meals a large group of adults and kids arrived occupying a long table in front of us. So, the same Waitress that waited on us went to take their orders, for some reasons, Craig continued saying, “Say Hi!” this time louder…  repeatedly, we were already receiving “looks” from the newcomers, but we just kept on until Craig suddenly rushed to the waitress while she was taking orders from the new group, grabbed her arm and pinched her while he was repeatedly saying – “SAY HI!!!”  “SAY HI!” “SAY HI!” Craig’s dad by that time was beside him pulling him away, because he refused to leave, he was already crying while repeatedly saying “SAY HI!” While I was observing the situation, and waiting what would transpire if maybe one or two from the new group would just say Hi! Or Hello… and if so, will Craig be settled… but NONE. Instead, we were receiving looks of annoyance and smirks from both kids and adults. So, I stood up, looked at the group and addressed the waitress, “Ate, pasensya po, SPECIAL po kasi yung anak ko, di po kasi yan titigil pag di mo pinansin…” I’m sure I made it loud and clear…  She did say Hi, but of course she was wearing a mask and since she was in the middle of taking orders, it was done hurriedly. Meanwhile, my husband was able to bring Craig back to our table, but as soon as he was seated, he went back to the group again, the waitress was still there, as she was going back and forth from the kitchen to their table… Craig was already crying and repeatedly saying – “SAY HI!!!” it has escalated (he was begging actually for them to say Hi!) so, I told my husband, “Ipanaw mun…”  (Bring him out/ take him to the car…) He was literally being dragged already as he was lying on the floor, still saying – “SAY HI!!!” I was following behind, by this time because of the commotion, the staff in the kitchen came out to see what was going on so I talked to them, “SPECIAL po kasi yung anak ko- pwede po bang mag “HI” po kayo, di po kasi sya titigil pag di kayo mag HI!” I think I asked them 2 or 3 times before they finally got it, and thankfully, they said Hi to Craig- but it was too late…  I was already going to say – SPECIAL- AUTISTIC po yung anak ko, parang yung Anak ni CANDY PANGILINAN… But fortunately, I didn’t have to.

While craig was being dragged literally out of the restaurant by his dad, I was already calling for back-up (Kuya Homer), and talking to the restaurant staff, looking for the waitress and even if I was kinda’ angry, I was going to make pasensya because I know how strong my son is, maybe he scratched her or whatever… but, she came to me first apologizing, “di ko po kasi alam na ganon po kasi sya, hala, kawawa sya humiga na sa labas, nagwawala…”  While another staff came up to us blaming her … “ikaw kasi…. Dapat…”  She said, “e ginagawa ko kasi trabaho ko…” I cut them already and said it is okay, “kami rin nagulat, at pasensha din ikaw pinag tripan….” There was no point  explaining to them.

In the car, I took over Craig who by this time was crying uncontrollably, “Syaken  bahala, go back to the group” – I told my husband.  While we were figuring out what was with Craig this time, but we both agreed he felt shamed because he saw he was being laughed at… it happens. “Nababainan piman, katktatawaan dan…” (Napahiya sya, pinagtatawanan…)

While I was trying to calm him, he was banging the window and calling attention to passersby so he could just say- “SAY HI!”  I couldn’t control myself also from breaking down as I held him tightly. In my mind and heart, I was screaming, I wanted to shout at them people– “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SAY HI!!!” Punyeta!!!

Speaking of FIRSTS, it was my first time to hear him cry so hard without violence, no smashing of anything, no pulling of hair, kicking, biting, throwing, hurting of that sort -just crying so hard that I can feel his pain, in tagalog, his Ninang Daday described it as may kasamang hikbi (iyak hagulgol).  It goes on and off as we drove to PITX to our home. I just kept saying I love you. Mama loves you…. We all Love you… By the way, thank you Kuya Kael and Amaya for being behind Craig 🙂

We didn’t need our backup (Kuya Homer) now, (Unlike before, we would need all the muscles to control him, I was panicking at first because he is bigger and stronger now…) I just sat and held him tightly, while he was crying and crying – I felt his pain…. As I was able to get a hold of myself and put meaning to what happened, I told Craig – “It’s okay, if they don’t say HI just say BYE!!! – Whatever!!!” Nah! Of course, he doesn’t get this, but I just kept saying it’s okay if they don’t say HI!!!

We were officially diagnosed with Autism when he was 4, and he was considered non-verbal then. We couldn’t get a slot in therapy until after 5 months. 8 months later- Pandemic. It was only after a year and a half that face-to-face sessions resumed… the years of struggle for us and his teachers to even make him say Mama, Papa, Kuya, Water, and all the necessary words which up to now needs prompting.

“Say Hi!” just when he gets the concept of this phrase and says it instinctively at the right time and place without prompting, he was IGNORED. Yes, in the world of Autism, they need to be taught how to say, how to express, what is and what nots… that’s why it was so difficult for him to process why, why now that we didn’t have to ask  him to  say HI – that he said it on his own, he was very happy greeting strangers with “SAY HI” he didn’t get the response he was expecting, that’s why he just didn’t stop saying- “SAY HI!” Why were they just looking at me? Why are they laughing? Why are they not saying Hi!!!

Just to make light of the matter, when I shared this story in school, Teacher Jonathan said- “Baka naman galing sila sa patay… intindihin nalang natin” hmmm Kidding aside, of course there were tears shed by teachers especially Teacher Mon, who taught Craig to Say Hi…  Anyway, now that he experienced reality, it is time to move on and figure out how to teach him how to respond if like this, like that…

Rewind, I tried to replay the incident, what if one of them just said Hi, or what if all of them said Hi Craig at the same time, or maybe one at time… Craig would’ve been the happiest for so many days… What was so difficult about making a kid happy with Hi??? Oh well… I try not to judge because what if I were one of them, and I didn’t have any knowledge on AUTISM and Special Needs… maybe. Haynaku, JUST SAY Hi!!!